The Home Stretch

I saw this tweet the other day that said 2016 was wild because it drastically changed everyone who lived through it— that when we all look back to who we were a year ago, it seems like we can barely recognize ourselves. I read it and I was like, dang I think this random person on the Internet is right! At the very least I can see and/or sense that people around me have undergone dramatic transformations in their lives this year.

Y’all already know I did— I have been VERY CLEAR about my 2016. I say all the time that I feel like I grew five years in this last one. When I look back on who/where I was last year, the things I thought, even how I chose to spend my New Year’s Eve, that girl feels so far away. She feels really young and blissfully ignorant. Not to insinuate that I’m like, totally awake and alert to everything happening inside/outside of me now— that’s an ongoing process. But struggling through a broken heart, learning you have trauma, and starting the process of healing through EMDR will wake you the FUCK up to some shit, let me tell you.

While I have very…VERY few nice things to say about 2016…

I feel like I must say that it’s kind of cool that everyone in the world has felt marked by it. 2016 knocked us all off our asses— maybe in a shitty way by stripping us of pieces of ourselves that we thought formed core parts of our identity, or by devastating us through one the excessive iconic deaths that happened this year (RIP Bowie, Fisher, Michael, Rickman, Ali, Thicke, Prince, Lee, Reynolds, Wilder, etc.) Or maybe you’re one of the six people globally whom 2016 affected in a good way, by making space in your life for a dream career, new life partner, or the prospect of welcoming a new baby. In either case, 2016 made her fucking POINT. And now hopefully we get to send her off into the Abyss with dear friends, merriment, and a SHIT TON of champagne.

Here’s to 2017 y’all! And the incredibly low bar 2016’s set for its greatness! Cheers!

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Oh and below I’ll show you more of my Christmas presents* because I promised I’d tell you what I got. Thanks to my beautiful friend Delara for snapping the pics!

*Note: “Christmas presents” denote any fun item bought for me either by myself or someone else between November 15 and December 25, 2016. I didn’t actually get any of this shit on Christmas.

First ‘fit 
Skirt: Topshop | Necklace: Forever 21 | Lipstick: “Too Faced”, Sephora

Second ‘fit:
Jacket: All Saints | Shoes: Steve Madden | Earrings: China, like the actual country

 

 

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Happy December!

Well, friends! We made it. We’re finally at the best month of the year, and there’s only 31 days left until this God-forsaken, post-apocalyptic hellscape called 2016 is over! My apartment looks like Father Christmas had one too many Rumple Minze shots at the bar and vommed all over it, but honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here’s to holiday parties, presents, family, friendship, drinking too much, taking time off work, and having a safe and non-traumatic New Year’s Eve. Cheers!

IT’S CHRISTMAS Y’ALL!!!

Merry Christmas month you guys! At my church we just started a series for the season of Advent called “Wait For it… Something Something About Waiting and the Season of Advent” lol. Clearly I’ve forgotten the actual title, but MY POINT IS it got me thinking about the season in general. I feel like it’s cool to celebrate the Christmas story that happened 2000 years ago or whatever, but I think sometimes we forget that the Christmas story is still happening now. For example— I’m gonna talk about myself because that’s the subject I know most about :). But Matt, one of the pastors at Flood, often describes the Christmas story as “God interjecting Himself into the Human Story to bring us life and restoration.” I dunno, I may have made half of that up, but it’s something like that. And I feel like I had my own personal Christmas story a little over two years ago when God interjected himself into my story to save my life – again. And I was no picnic to save either, believe you me. I was broken-hearted, apathetic, and on top of everything else, a complete and total asshole. You know how when lifeguards save a drowning person, the victim is supposed to relax and stop flailing so the lifeguard can do their job? I was the 300 pound man still kicking and thrashing as God was trying to bring me to shore—it wasn’t pretty.

But I was sooooo in the dark—and I want to talk about that phrase “in the dark” for a second too because I feel like, at least for me growing up in the Church, that phrase was always used to describe non-Christians or “unbelievers” with only the thinnest veiled tone of condescension. Pastors and patrons always talking about how we needed to reach those poor “lost souls” who don’t know Jesus yet, and needed to be saved. But I never really heard them talk about Christians needing to be saved, and I would argue that Christians and non-Christians alike are in need of saving ALL the time. I know plenty of non-Christians who have their shit way more together than I do, and I know plenty of Christians who need to figure it the fuck out. People, both pre- and post-salvation prayer, need help. Here I was 23, a Christian for as far back as I could remember, and I couldn’t see shit, let alone have any idea who Jesus was yet.
There’s a Mumford & Sons lyric in “Roll Away Your Stone” that goes “Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think? And yet it dominates the things I see.”
Boom.
Called out.
Roasted.
I heard that line and it hit me that “darkness” doesn’t necessarily mean evil, the way it’s often touted from the pulpit. It’s literally just the absence of light. The absence of clarity. Standing in a pitch black room that may be as familiar to you as your own bedroom, and still not being sure where the dresser is. You don’t have to be a non-Christian to find yourself in the dark. Darkness will come, I think it’s just a thing that happens. At some point you’re gonna feel lost, or mad, or confused, or maybe hate God. And having recited a prayer a week ago, a month ago, ten years ago, 50 years ago, is not going to save you from that. But it helps me to remember this story. That 2000 years ago, God interjected himself into the human story to help us out. That 2 years ago, God interjected himself into my story to help me out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for celebrating Christmas (obviously, I’ve already bought and/or constructed 5 fake Christmas trees and accumulated literal POUNDS of tinsel), but I also think it’s important to stop and think, how is God trying to interject himself into my story now? Do I feel like He is? How do I feel about the fact that I don’t think He is? I expect a written paper and thoughtful discussion next time we meet.

In the meantime, please enjoy pictures of my 5 Christmas trees and pounds of tinsel 🙂