The Home Stretch

I saw this tweet the other day that said 2016 was wild because it drastically changed everyone who lived through it— that when we all look back to who we were a year ago, it seems like we can barely recognize ourselves. I read it and I was like, dang I think this random person on the Internet is right! At the very least I can see and/or sense that people around me have undergone dramatic transformations in their lives this year.

Y’all already know I did— I have been VERY CLEAR about my 2016. I say all the time that I feel like I grew five years in this last one. When I look back on who/where I was last year, the things I thought, even how I chose to spend my New Year’s Eve, that girl feels so far away. She feels really young and blissfully ignorant. Not to insinuate that I’m like, totally awake and alert to everything happening inside/outside of me now— that’s an ongoing process. But struggling through a broken heart, learning you have trauma, and starting the process of healing through EMDR will wake you the FUCK up to some shit, let me tell you.

While I have very…VERY few nice things to say about 2016…

I feel like I must say that it’s kind of cool that everyone in the world has felt marked by it. 2016 knocked us all off our asses— maybe in a shitty way by stripping us of pieces of ourselves that we thought formed core parts of our identity, or by devastating us through one the excessive iconic deaths that happened this year (RIP Bowie, Fisher, Michael, Rickman, Ali, Thicke, Prince, Lee, Reynolds, Wilder, etc.) Or maybe you’re one of the six people globally whom 2016 affected in a good way, by making space in your life for a dream career, new life partner, or the prospect of welcoming a new baby. In either case, 2016 made her fucking POINT. And now hopefully we get to send her off into the Abyss with dear friends, merriment, and a SHIT TON of champagne.

Here’s to 2017 y’all! And the incredibly low bar 2016’s set for its greatness! Cheers!

————–

Oh and below I’ll show you more of my Christmas presents* because I promised I’d tell you what I got. Thanks to my beautiful friend Delara for snapping the pics!

*Note: “Christmas presents” denote any fun item bought for me either by myself or someone else between November 15 and December 25, 2016. I didn’t actually get any of this shit on Christmas.

First ‘fit 
Skirt: Topshop | Necklace: Forever 21 | Lipstick: “Too Faced”, Sephora

Second ‘fit:
Jacket: All Saints | Shoes: Steve Madden | Earrings: China, like the actual country

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMASSSSbreak

Hey y’all! Listen this post was about to be a thousand different things, and I couldn’t choose, so I decided to take a break. Just for this week, since I’m sure you’re all home with your families, trying to navigate difficult conversations without drowning yourselves in wine. I get it. Let’s all take a second, rest, do something to care for yourself, we’ll reconvene next week and I can show you all my birthday — I mean Christmas — presents. Love you miss you! 😘

Aleppo

You guys, we have to care about Aleppo. The city is falling, civilians are being slaughtered— what started as peaceful protests has now been escalated to nothing short of massacre. I feel overwhelmed, as I’m sure a lot of us do here hundreds of thousands of miles away, but we can’t let that feeling make us ignore what’s happening. A lot of my friends have posted or sent me helpful articles about how to help so I thought it would be good for the blog this week to list some of the relief efforts/ideas I’ve found helpful. Not sure what else to do but write about it and give money but if that’s all we got, let’s do it.

7 Real Things You Can Do Right Now About the Catastrophe in Aleppo

5 Ways You Can Support the Victims of Aleppo

Get Wounded Syrian Rescue Workers Back on Their Feet

 

It Doesn’t Have to be A Dream

Last night our yoga teacher asked us to raise our hands if we were currently working at our dream job. About five people out of the thirty-person class raised their hands— I wasn’t one of them. Her follow-up question was: “If you aren’t doing your dream job, what’s something you could do every day to get you closer to it?” Cue full on panic-attack, and me drenched in sweat before we’d even started moving. It was like a large, heated spotlight had been pointed directly at my face. “Well?!” Femi said to herself like a schoolmarm to a child who hadn’t done her homework. “What are you doing???”

…What the fuck am I doing?

Is anyone else scared? I feel like I’m terrified, and I’ve been working to name that fear. I know what my dream job is. I have a date by when I want to be doing my dream job. But what do I do between now and then? How do I get from here to there? And the worry that I’m wasting my days is a constant presence. I’m sitting in this yoga class, fully aflame, because the teacher is right – our dream doesn’t have to stay a dream. We can do it! Or get close. But suddenly there comes all this pressure, and weight, and worry, and fear. What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not good at it? What if I keep spending all my free time watching Netflix and my life stays the same and I never get out of this job that I kind of hate? I think about those people who are like “This job was supposed to be a two year gig!” at their 20th anniversary office potluck. The last thing I want is to wake up one day and feel like my life flew right by me, and I never used it to do something that made me feel alive.

The funny thing I’m realizing about dreams is that they’re scary either way. I feel scared to do it, and I also feel scared not to. But fear is paralyzing and I think that’s how people end up spending decades in places they only intended to spend months. “What’s one thing you can do every day to bring you closer to working your dream job?” I feel like another way to ask that is how do we focus on a manageable task in front of us to help us release all that fear?

My initial reaction was “HEY GET OFF MY BACK ALRIGHT?!” which I wasn’t entirely expecting. Not directed at my teacher of course, this is a conversation concerning only me and Me. But “Me” noticed that the inflammatory response is fear-based. Because that little question pokes a hole in my “safe” bubble and I want to close it up. It makes me look to see what steps I could take out of my box, and even just looking outside feels frightening.  But if we can get past the inflammatory reaction, past the fear mongering we love doing, can we answer it?
What’s one thing you can do every day to work towards your dream job?

At this juncture I’d also like to point out that we’ll need grace. We’ll need to ask ourselves this question with grace, and we’ll need grace for ourselves on the days when we don’t do anything to work towards our dream job. Those days have to be okay too. I just want to encourage you, and encourage myself. And hopefully also calm myself TF down. We can do it, right? I think we can make our lives what we want them to be.

I don’t know what your dream job is, but at the end of class our teacher encouraged us to share it with each other so I’ll tell you mine: I want to be a blogger (lol surprise). And I’d like to be making most if not all of my income from it in 5 years. There it is, out in the Universe and on the Internet forever. Honestly it felt really vulnerable to put out there, but also exhilarating! Give it a shot –maybe not the Internet part, you can just tell a friend. Or you could make it your Facebook status— whatever feels right. And then let’s get to work, let’s share and connect and support and bolster each other in our quests. We can do this.

Happy December!

Well, friends! We made it. We’re finally at the best month of the year, and there’s only 31 days left until this God-forsaken, post-apocalyptic hellscape called 2016 is over! My apartment looks like Father Christmas had one too many Rumple Minze shots at the bar and vommed all over it, but honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here’s to holiday parties, presents, family, friendship, drinking too much, taking time off work, and having a safe and non-traumatic New Year’s Eve. Cheers!