Real Hair, Don’t Care

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Hat: Goorin Bros. | Jacket: Zara | Earrings: Honestly, anywhere. Don’t be lazy.

Sooooo I got my hair done over the weekend, (which I will post pictures of shortly) but I felt like it was important to post this picture first. First of all, it’s finally a picture of me—hi, this is my face—but also, it’s me with no extensions or anything in my hair. Just my natural shit. And I felt like it was important because this, taken last Friday night, was the first time since the 6th grade that I’ve gone out in public on purpose with my natural hair. The last time I tried, some dickhead 8th grader made fun of me by asking if I had gotten electrocuted.

Like that’s not okay. I feel like it’s crazy that for my whole life, LITERALLY THE WHOLE THING, I have hated my own hair. Not just like “ugh I’m having a bad hair day” or “man, I hate how the humidity gets to it sometimes”, literally would not be seen alive and rather not caught dead with it by itself. I loathed it. Abhorred. Spent countless hours fussing and crying because it didn’t “fall down my back like my white friends”—words I actually remember saying to my mother. I saw this video the other day of a little black girl who couldn’t have been more than 4 years old, crying to her mother because she hated her skin and how she looked. She said brown skin was “ugly”. WHAT IS THAT SHIT?! That after only 4 years of being alive and maybe 2 of being actually conscious in this country, this girl has somehow learned that her skin and hair are things to be ashamed of. It’s not okay, but the sad part is that I get it, because I was ashamed of those things myself for a lonngggggggg time. Like until very recently. And even Friday night, it’s not like I was 100% confident about wearing my hair out, I mean, I covered most of it with a hat. And there was even a moment when my hat flew off and I legitimately had a minor panic attack. It took an active redirection of my thoughts to remember that I shouldn’t be embarrassed of my hair. And I’m not saying this for comfort or fishing for compliments (in fact, if after reading this you feel compelled to send me a text or message telling me I’m beautiful, and you weren’t heretofore planning on it, please refrain). I’m saying all of this because something is wrong. Little black girls shouldn’t hate their skin before they’ve learned multiplication. I shouldn’t feel like I have to lock myself in my house when my hair isn’t done. Stepping out of the house with my hair looking the way it grows out of my head shouldn’t be an act of bravery.

Yet here I am, feeling somewhat brave because I’m broadcasting my natural state to the Interwebs. Honestly, as cliché as this is, I just hope that by the time I have a daughter, she doesn’t grow up in a society that teaches her to hate herself, or that it’s daring for her to exist in her natural state.

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

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Jewelry: Mostly Child of Wild or JNB

Lol remember that time I said I was going to get better about posting more often? Turns out I lied, my bad. BUT HEY! I’m posting now, and this moment is all we have, and blah blah blah. So fucking cherish it okay?

Great, so this weekend, some of my friends from college were in town visiting and I got to go see them and hang out and grab drinks! It was super fun, perhaps got a little belligerent towards the end, but that’s neither here nor there. What is pictured here is my homegirl Kelsey, straight killing the ring game. I mean, killing the whole accessory game, if we’re being honest. I awkwardly asked if I could take her picture because I was obsessed with her hand-trinkets. I feel like this is a look I’ve always wanted to nail— layering a bunch of shit on my hands so it kind of looks like I could cast a spell or something, but I never know how to put it all together. Midi rings, thumb rings, hand chains, finger tats?! So much involved. But then it’s like, not really that much involved at all. Like Kelsey said, “You just kind of go for it.” I may or may not have made that up, but I feel like she said that. And it makes me feel like “yeah… you know what, I can totally do this! I definitely know how to layer rings and look cool.” And then I get to the accessories section of Forever 21 and I’m just like “WHAT DO I DO?!” Haha it’s a mess, but I’m gonna keep trying. Maybe one day it’ll be my own hands in the photo, you never know. #daretodream

Aaaaaaaand We’re Back!

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Heyyoooooo!! Wow, sorry I was gone for so long guys. I’m gonna give it to you straight, this whole blog thing REALLY takes some getting used to. Aside from the inherent narcissism of the whole thing (“omg everybody look at pictures of me and my friends and tell us how pretty we are” – oh wait, that’s instagram lol), it’s just like, soooooo weird to take pictures of things in life if you’re not already a photographer. I dunno, maybe it’s just me. Like for example, I totally worked at a fashion show last night— would’ve been a great opportunity to take pictures for my blog right?? Well don’t worry, because I didn’t. Instead I gawked at and oogled all the beautiful clothes as they flew past me. I mean I had a great time, but reallyyyyyy dropped the ball in the blog department haha. In any case, I promise I will get better!

So instead of looking at cool clothes from the fashion show I went to, we can talk about how my birthday’s coming up at the end of May! I’m planning a trip to Las Vegas with some of my friends and I am STOKEDDDDD. There is a look I have in mind for the actual day itself but I’ll show you guys when I actually wear it. For now, I’ll just give you some hints of what I’ll be going for. *Note: These options are subject to change.

First we’ve got this rose gold sequin dress that I was more or less OBSESSED with over new year’s. I mean look at it, do I really need to say anything else? Perfect okay next we’ve got this gorgeous tropical print bathing suit I got from Gone Bananas in Mission Beach. I might have emptied my bank account to buy it, but I regret nothing. I feelllllll like for my birthday I’m going for a bit of a Barbie theme? I dunno, I didn’t necessarily plan it but it seems like everything is falling into place that way. Probably incited by the fact that I will be getting blonde twists put in the week before my birthday and I feel like it’s going to change the entire coloring of my wardrobe. New lipsticks, new dresses, obviously new bathing suits, and all with money I don’t have :). Ahhhhh, the American Dream. So anyhoo yeah I’m thinking more shit like this is going to be coming up, brighter colors and whatnot. (Oh right and I guess it’s almost summer too. Well that worked out.)

Last teaser’s these AAAAAMMMMMAAAZZZINNGGGG shoes I ordered off zappos.com. Honestly, I’m not intimidated by most heels, but these guys are forces to be reckoned with. I’ve worn them out once and was unsteadier than I care to admit – I’m a big proponent of “it doesn’t matter how good they look if you can’t walk in them”. BUT I have decided that for my birthday, I will conquer these, no matter the cost. Even if that means cooking dinner and watching The Daily Show in them while pacing my apartment.

The thing is that for my birthday, I want to look insane. I want to have bright ass hair and wear bright ass colors and be the tallest person in the room and maybe scare a few people, that is want I want. And by the beard of Odin, I shall have it.

We’ve Been on the Run, Driving In the Sun

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So tonight I was scrolling through Buzzfeed, as I am wont to do, and I came upon this post: “19 Songs From ‘The O.C.’ That Warmed Your Cold, Dead, Heart”. Obviously, as a diehard, “The O.C.” foreverfan, I clicked through it, and I was like, crying by the 3rd song in the list lol. You guys, The O.C. for me is like, one of the building blocks of my person. I don’t even care, I’m gonna say it. That show was F U N D A M E N T A L. It was brilliant! The first season?? Better than gold. Like SUCH great characters and even character development, over the season. Seth and Sandy Cohen, Ryan Atwood, all people I wanted to have in my real life. For varying reasons, but whatever. And of course going back to the Southern California thing, I mean come on. That show was like a surfboard, sunset, and a cocktail all rolled up in a nice little teen drama handbasket. And I KNOWWWWWW she was an idiot but you are fucking fooling yourself if you didn’t think Marissa Cooper was iconic. LEGEND. Okay maybe that’s pushing it but iconic for sure. I think that was the first time I heard the term “it girl” and actually understood what it meant. She was like effortlessly, and annoyingly beautiful. Of course now I watch reruns of the show (or the box set that I own, whatever) and grimace at how thin and dumb she was, but at the time? QUEEN. And I can’t even begin to talk about the shit she wore. Although honestly now that I think about it, I can’t decide if Marissa started trends or was just the unfortunate canvas on which all the worst of new millenium fashion was thrown. Either way, I fucking ate it up. Which FINALLY brings me to this picture lol. I bought a pair of flats a few months ago when I visited my mom in Houston and when I put them on I immediately thought “Marissa Cooper.” Do you guys remember this trend? Pointy ass flats (that were clearly utilized to make sure that Mischa Barton never towered over Benjamin Mackenzie)? Honestly it’s something I should have never picked up because my feet are big as fuck and pointy flats do nothing for them, but at the time they were everything. I remember watching maybe the 3rd or 4th episode of the OC and marissa had on pointy flats, and I IMMEDIATELY dragged my mother to the mall to buy my first pair. Ahhhhh youth. ANYWAY I bought these in Houston and I’m obsessed. They’re um, mohair? Calf hair? Is that a thing? Is it horrible? Let’s go with mohair. They’re mohair, andddddd I’m pretty sure too small but like, what are you gonna do. SO CUTE RIGHT?!